I am not a Duel-a

Posted on Posted in Birth, Crappy Doula Doodles, Doula

There is often confusion over what a doula is. Many times i have talked with couples nervous about a doula possibly taking over their birth. They are afraid that a doula may guilt them into  a certain type of birthing. To add a little silliness I have illustrated examples below with my subpar Window’s Paint skills. These show the differences between someone that will fight against your birth, a duel-a you could call her, and a doula, or birth support for your choices.


This may be new to you, but doulas are not just for natural birth. They are for anyone wanting more support for their birth. Doulas are helpful in csections, medicated births, natural births, hospital births, home births, single parent moms, and so much more. Whether you have a plan or not, we are here for you, no light sabers involved. Note: in the odd case that you want light sabers at your birth, we can help you with that. We do not discriminate against nerds 😉 We just won’t use them to stop your choices.


The next concern often had regarding doulas: ” But i want my husband involved. I want him to intuitively know what i need.” If he helped start this baby business then it totally makes sense to want him right there involved in the birth.


Can I tell you my secret? We LOVE it when dads are hands on and involved. It is our biggest goal to facilitate the best connection between you and your partner. We know that dad helps get the Oxytocin and birthing hormones going. Some men need a little direction along the way. They are new to this. Our job isn’t to replace dad, it’s to help him help you best. If dad isn’t there this works the same for grandmas and friends. We will not erupt in flames if someone else gives you counter-pressure.


I met with a doctor today. He was a little on guard, and he felt the need to explain how he goes out of the way to help his patients. Sadly too many providers have met some kind of duel-a, or have heard stories of them. All he knew was that I was a doula and he assumed that I had a negative view of him as a doctor.  In reality,  I have yet to meet a provider that did not want the best for mom and baby. Sometimes they have differing opinions on care, and different points of view, but they all care. Doulas are not out to defy anything medical related. We need the medical team so that we can focus on emotional support and comfort for mom and the family.duela3

Doulas work with mom’s birth team to help her best reach her desires.  Doulas will encourage you to choose a provider that you feel you can trust that you can work with together. They encourage mom to ask questions, find evidence based information, think over benefits and risks, and if needed help mom stand up for herself. Our job is not to have a show down with the medical staff. Our job is not to speak for you. Our job is to help you get the information needed to make choices, and support you as you speak for yourself.


I am not a duel-a. I am not out to fight or prove anything. I am a doula and supporter of women, babies and families.


Becky Hartman